If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
NoShamevember. You game?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
