she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
