So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
