His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
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