It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
