So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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