but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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