Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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