I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
he shaved USA in his pubs
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Randomize
