Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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