Swine flu is the new snow day.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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