you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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