it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
