if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
