Is it because I queefed?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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