I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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