So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
