we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
