I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
