I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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