shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
