we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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