Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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