It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
