Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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