Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
no. you can't hotbox the world.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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