you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
