so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
