so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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