Fine. I'll sleep in my office
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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