I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
