my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
