And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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