my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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