Plan B is the new Plan A
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
