Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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