Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
