We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
