The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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