you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
