Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
