Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
