I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
