Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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