Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
