Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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