quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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