You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
