She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
