My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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