I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
