Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
