Say something about gay babies.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
