It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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